A steaming, confected, self-polishing jobbernowl.

So says the excellent Quentin Letts of our over-promoted, self-important and out-of-his-depth Squeaker John Bercow.

I didn’t know what a jobbernowl was either, so I looked it up. Excellent! What a cracking choice of word.

Quentin’s article was inspired by the Junior Health Minister Simon Burns’ behaviour in the House of Commons yesterday during Health Questions.

It seems that the Squeaker twice admonished Mr. Burns for being indistinct in his answers, and wished him to address his answers to the Dispatch Box in front of him rather than his supporters behind him. The Squeaker being the Squeaker couldn’t resist drawing himself up to his full (claimed) 5′6″ adding, in that peculiarly patronising way he has: “It’s a very simple point. I’ve made it to others, and they understood it.”

Mr Burns, being Mr. Burns went puce in an instant, and spewed forth a torrent of abuse which included the phrase “stupid, sanctimonious dwarf”, and apparently at one stage his hand even hovered some 4′ off the floor.

According to the Daily Mail; “The minister has made no secret in the past of his loathing for Mr Bercow and was one of the few MPs to refuse to shake his hand when he took the oath.” As Quentin Letts says: “It needs to be explained here that Mr Bercow hates Mr Burns, and that Mr Burns hates Mr Bercow right back.”

The Mail article continues…

“Asked outside the chamber to confirm that he had called Mr Bercow a ’stupid sanctimonious dwarf,’ Mr Burns did not deny that he had made the remarks. But he added: ‘We will leave it at that. I’m saying I have nothing to say.’ ”

All good stuff, and part and parcel of modern politics no doubt; certainly entertaining, as Simon Hoggart in the Guardian gleefully and amusingly reports. However, there’s the usual furore and manufactured uproar from the usual suspects:

“John Connerty, co-founder of the Walking with Giants Foundation which represents individuals who suffer from rare forms of Primordial Dwarfism, said: ‘Someone at this level within Government has the power to influence people into thinking that anyone of small stature is stupid and sanctimonious.

‘It is diabolical that he has said this at all, far less from the floor of the House of Commons.

‘These comments are derogatory and deeply offensive to people affected by dwarfism. He needs to issue an immediate apology.’”

Ok, so Mr. Burns used the word “dwarf” in a derogatory and insulting way, of a man not known for his stature, physical or otherwise. But please… To conflate that the juxtaposition of “stupid”, “sanctimonious” and “dwarf” automatically and obviously means that all dwarves are stupid and sanctimonious is ridiculous, as is the demand for an immediate apology. Far better, I think, for Mr. Connerty to have restricted himself to branding Mr. Burns a complete and utter jobbernowl.

UPDATE:
Paul Waugh in the Evening Standard has blogged on this in the context of its exclusion from Hansard (as is traditional in these instances). He has appended the following delicious titbit to his blog:

“UPDATE: I hear that a few Tory MPs will today start a new heckling approach – by muttering the words ‘Grumpy’ and ‘Dopey’ from the backbenches when Mr Bercow is in the chair….”

Lovely!